Love! Such a beautiful word!
But what does it really means? Do we know how to love?
Big part of my life I was looking for Love and try to find it in other people.
But may be first, I need to find love in myself? May be I need to love myself enough, so I can find it in others? Everybody say: you need to love yourself first, before you will find love!
What does it means to love myself? How does one achieve it? I am looking around all my women friends. Dose any of them love themselves? No, they don’t. In my surrounding I really cannot find anyone, who really loves himself. Not between women, not between men.
Then how can we find love? All of us, most of our life are looking for love and very rarely find it.
We cannot find love in others, when we do not love ourselves. And we cannot give love to others when we do not love ourselves: we can’t give, what we do not have.
In order to give love, first we need to have love, to know, how it feels to love yourself, then we will know, how it feels to love another person.
We think we know how to love. We love our parent, we love our kids. But most of the time our love, is not really pure love. It is a conditional love. When we really love someone unconditionally, we allow him to be the way they are, without any conditions.
The best way to see it, is when we look at how we love our kids. We think we love them dearly, but is it really how they feel?
When we are raising our children, we always want what is the best for them. In order to achieve it, we tell them what to do, criticize them, controlling them. Our excuse is: we know better, we are older; it is for your best.
In return, they fight with us for their freedom, the same way we fought with our parents, when we were young, but we keep controlling them, without any recognition, that during our youth, we did not like it either. We try to we brake them so they will become like we want them to be.
How many tragedies in the world happening because of this kind of parenting love! So, is it really love, do kids (or your spouse or other person) really feel loved?
I understood, from my own life experiences, this is a very conditional love, even thou we think it is pure love. Unfortunately, most of us know only this kind of love. This is how we grew up; this is the love we received from our parent. But this kind of controlling love is not a pure love. This kind of love has conditions: I love you, when you are this and that. So another person (a child) feels (subconsciously) when he will not do what we want them to do, he will not be loved. And it creates a lot of issues in their lives.
I am not different from many others. I raised my daughter who has her own family now and I am still raising my son.
It took me many years to stop controlling my son. We start living alone together, when he was around 11 years old. It took me over a year to realize, that if I will keep trying to control him as I did before, I will lose him in his teenage years. So, I tried to stop controlling and start accepting him the way he is. It was not always successful, the old patterns sometimes where coming back, but I was consciously controlling my reactions and my behavior.
The first thing I had to do in order for it to happen, is to stop worry that “he may become like his father (who had a drinking habits) or like his older half-brother (who was a compulsive liar and had many other very bad habits).” I had to replace this kind of thoughts with faith in Creator, faith in my son’s goodness, in his powers to be good, strong and his knowing of what is right to his soul.
I had to understand, that his soul designed his own plan for his life and all I can do to help him, is to give him my unconditional love.
I had to change, so he knows and feels, that I accept and love him the way he is. Even when I do not agree with something he does, I still accept it as his choice and give him freedom to choose the right way. I had to change the way I talk to him by being his friend, instead of having motherly tone of voice.
Now my son is 16 year old. I am his friend. He tells me a lot of things about his life. I know, he will do the right choices in his life. These choices may not be the same, as I would like them to be, but I am ready to accept it and give him my unconditional love.
I know Creator will help me and my son in this uneasy task of life: for my son to make the right choices to benefit everyone and for me to unconditionally accept these choices with love!
Ironically, my older daughter, who has his own family and kids now, still cannot accept the facts that my relationship with my son are totally different, from how it was with her, when I was raising her.
Even though she is blaming me for being very controlling with her, when she was a child, now, she does not accept the fact, that I am not controlling her brother and that he is allowed to make his own choices, even if they are not as good as we would like them to be.
I know my daughter is working on her own spiritual growth and she will eventually understand me, but this is a difficult transformation process for both of us.
When my daughter was growing up, me as well as all other family member were pushing our believe systems on her. Even though she was and is loved very much, this kind of behavior, was making her believe that our love is conditioned, upon her being the way we want her to be.
I can see now how much damage it did for her and for her life choices. Even though it may seem different, like she is totally happy and has the perfect life, my mother heart knows, it could be better.
My daughter grew up to be a strong, smart and beautiful woman. She has her own family and kids. She has a very strong core, very strong opinions about life and what is right or wrong, and great honest character. It seems like she has a perfect life, but I feel it could be better, if we would be less controlling when she was growing up. Her choices may be different and she may be happier.
Now, because of our controlling behavior, she has to work on her issues and that is making her life more difficult, then it could be. Being a grown person, she knows she is loved very much, but her subconscious believe system, need to be cleared now from negative believes of conditional love, so she can translate this new feeling of unconditional love to her kids and to break the pattern of controlling behavior.
I know, that was the scenario that her soul chosen before her birth, and those are the lessons that both of us had to learn for our spiritual growth.
These lessons with my kids brought me to understanding what is unconditional love is, which I hope I am able to translate for myself and others. I hope that time will come and my kids will really feel my unconditional love toward them.
WHAT IS LOVE? HOW DOЕS LOVE FEEL? HOW TO FIND LOVE?
Answer to these question humanity is looking for centuries. Some of us consciously, but most of us unconscious.
Love – this is what everyone needs, that is what we must have in order to be happy.
I am still wondering, if after all my discoveries and all spiritual growth during my recent years, I will be able to translate my unconditional love to my mаn, the one, that I still have to meet on my life path.
I hope I will be able to give him my UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!
When we all will find love and will be able to translate unconditional love to others, there are will be no suicidal, no war, we will live in the peaceful and happy world.
I really hope for that!
Amen! May All Beings Be Happy!
Nina – Bastet